Got a new phone for Christmas? Impress your friends with these emoticons from the year 2000

In the year 2000 I got my first mobile and my friend Beth got me this book.

The intro tells new phone owners why the book will be useful:

The sub-text of your words, acronyms or abbreviations will become crystal clear to anyone reading them if you punctuate your messages with emoticons, whenever and wherever you feel like it.

I rediscovered the book this week and now I’m the sickest yoof on the block.

So turn off your Westlife minidisc, put your Razor Scooter back in the box, pick up the phone you wish was really a Nokia 3310, and make like it’s Y2K:

*8=(:      I am a blithering idiot

%+{        I was the loser of a fight

:^Y      I turn my poker face away

o’!       I am feeling pretty grim (profile)

:-”     I am whistling casually

*L*    I am drunk (sideways)

%-<|>     I am drunk with laughter

%*@:-(    I am hungover with a headache

(,’%/)    I have slept too long on one side

:-L    I have a blank expression with a cigarette or pipe

===:[OO’]>:=== I have been railroaded

#!^~/      I am kissing while wearing shades (profile)

(><)      I am anally retentive

When you want to squeeze a pun in there too:

>–COD     I am ‘floundering’ for something to say

When you’re kicking it old school:

g-)      I am wearing pince-nez glasses

When you needed Instagram but only had SMS:

O-G-<     Me, me, me (pointing to self)

:-)-8     I am a big girl

:-)^<    I am a big boy

(:-{~    I am bearded

:-)##     I am seriously bearded

:-(>~     I just washed my goatee, I can’t do a thing with it

{:-)     I am wearing a toupee

}:-(     My toupee is at risk from a high wind

When you want people to focus a bit lower down:

:-)   .     I have an innie belly button

:-)   ,     I have an outie belly button

{:-| 8()>     You are going to be a father!

When you have a mythical revelation to make:

:-[    I am a vampire

:-E    I am a buck-toothed vampire

<*(:-?    Wizard who doesn’t know the answer

+-:-)     I am the Pope

When your tech is stuck in the wrong time:

[:-)     I am wearing a Walkman

When you need to cut someone down to size:

:-8(     Condescending stare…

i-=<***i     Caution: I have a flame thrower

When the animal instinct is strong:

<:3 )~~~     Mouse

#B<>     A duck with a spiky haircut and Ray-Bans, quacking

:-D*     I am laughing so hard that I did not notice that a 5-legged spider is hanging from my lip

>8-O-(&)     Message about/from someone who has just realised they have tapeworm

And let’s finish with a few seasonal ones:

*|:^)(.)(…)     Snowman

<:>==     Turkey

*<|<|<|=    Christmas tree

Got all that? Gr8. 

Merry Christmas! *<:-)

~ Todd


I couldn’t find the book for sale on the original creator’s site (Michael O’Mara books), but it is still available second-hand on Amazon (and probably elsewhere) – see here.

Thanks to Michael O’Mara for such a treat!

Author: toddmgreen

I really like making internet projects. I work on apps, games and websites at a TV company. I write stuff, make stuff, and accidentally break stuff. You should probably follow me on Twitter - @toddmgreen.

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